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it sucked ngl

it sucked ngl

This is dedicated to:
The walls, who watched over me.
The screens, that washed my dirty face.
The darkness, which soothed my leaking and inflamed eyes.
The sadness, that sanitized the wounds within.
For your contributions, they will never be forgotten.

I was the boy who picked the opportune moments of when to be a man.
I held the door open, for selfishness.
I hung up the coat, for manipulation.
I pushed the chair in, for sadness.
I topped up the glass, for guilt,
I convinced myself that I earned a glass, to cheers in the name of self-pity.

But dedications take place at the beginning of the book.
While the walls stayed beige, I shifted shade.
I moisturized and shaved, the screen-washed skin.
After stumbling in the darkness, my fingers finally found the light switch.
And with this sanitized window to the soul, I told sadness to keep the change.
I learned that part of letting go, is the reality of forgetting them.

It would be naive to act as if it didn’t hurt.
Still now, I wait for the sudden sting.
As each day bent my soul.
The cracks bellowed,
and the splinters imploded from point of bend.
Yet still, I stand.

Time only made the pain last longer.
Talking confused me.
The pills didn’t do it.
I did it, day by day.